Eric enjoying the Big Church serviceParents nationwide are experiencing a crisis that no one really talks about these days:
The church's children's workers are on Summer Break. Aaauuugh!!
What's a parent to do? Do we send all the younguns to the nursery (offering to compensate the workers monetarily if need be), even though the oldest is twelve? Do we just stay home on Sunday and Wednesday nights until the workers come back to man their posts? Do we brave the auditorium, knowing that we'll be in and out for at least seventeen potty emergencies, our mouths will be bone dry from "power-shushing" for forty-five minutes straight, we will have to listen to little Johnny sing the all of the songs real real loud, a measure behind everyone else, and we will be peppered with icy stares from people who are thinking (sometimes out loud), "My kids would never do that!" (Note: people who say things like that have not had any children.) The turmoil is real, my friends. Oh, yes, it is real.
I think children's church, choirs, and other kid's programs are wonderful tools that benefit the spiritual growth of children, but there is real value in having the young children in the main auditorium listening to their pastor. In many churches today, the vast majority of children couldn't pick their pastor out of a line-up, and they have never heard the man speak, much less actually met and talked with him. This is a tragedy, and summertime is a great time to rectify the situation.
Toward that end, and in an effort to ease the minds of parents and other church attendees everywhere, here are some things I have found that help kids adjust to "Big church".
1. Have High Expectations.
You get what you expect from children. If you expect chaos, you'll get it. On the other hand, i you expect good behavior, you will get that, too. The thing is, you must tell the children specifically (key word!) what you expect from them:
- When someone prays aloud, you pray, too, but silently. You bow your head and close your eyes, and listen carefully to what he says.
- When you are asked to stand, you stand.
- When you are asked to sit, you sit. You sit like a lady or a gentleman, and not like a bum watching a baseball game on the couch.
- When you are told to sing, you sing as best as you can.
- When special music is going on, you listen politely and quietly.
- When preaching is going on, you pay attention, learn all you can, and let the LOrd work in your heart.
- You do not make unnecessary noises or movements unless you are on fire. You do not ask to leave the auditorium unless you are about to throw-up or spontaneously combust.
If you keep your standards high, and the kids slip, they won't slip as low as they would were the standards lower.
2. Help kids meet your expectations.
Kids need help developing the skills it takes to maintain self-control and attention during a worship service. Provide them with tools to help them. Here are some things that have helped us:
- The List: Once the preacher names his text, quickly glance over it, and make a list of five to ten words for the child to listen for. Have them keep a tally of how often they hear the preacher say those words. You can add words to the list as the sermon goes on, as you hear recurring themes. This gives the child something to physically do (especially important for boys) while also concentrating on the message.
- The Race: Once your kids can read, and they have a good grasp of where the books of the Bible are, have a race to the text once the preacher names it. First one to the text is rewarded after the service, as long as good behavior is maintained. Sometimes the rewards can be little, but change things up from time to time, and make the reward something bigger, like a new basketball, or letting them pick the lunch destination, and order dessert.
- The Follow-Along With Me: If you are blessed enough to go to a church that uses the hymnal, let the child hold the book with you, and follow along with your finger. I can't remember when I actually figured it out, but constant years of doing this as a child helped me understand how to read music-what a blessing!
- Praise!: When the children do well in the service, praise them at home-tell them how proud you are of them. When in the service, praise them to others, when they think you don't know they are listening. (side note: when they mess up, remember they are learnng, and that even though they are young, we as parents must respect them: correct them, and punish if need be, in private.)
- Meet the Preacher: Introduce the kids to the pastor. Let them talk with him and ask him questions. If they get to know him, they will probably like him, especially if they find out about his secret candy drawer in his desk, and his ability to do the Rubik's cube in twenty-two seconds, or his ridiculous knowledge of all of the Laffy Taffy jokes ever written.
- Be an example: Whatever you do a little, they'll do a lot. If you dig in your purse looking for that elusive piece of gum, and take a sec to check your lipstick, text a friend, and add something to your grocery list, little Suzie will spend thirty minutes irritating the entire congregation rifling (loudly) through her Strawberry Shortcake Pretty Pink Purse.
- Timing Matters: Make a habit of taking everyone to the Tinkletorium right before the service, and firmly establish that "You ain't leavin' unless you're on fire" rule. If the kids will starve to death if they don't have a snack before the service is over, give them a snack before the service, not during. There is nothing more irritating than the mom who brings a stinking picnic basket with her and her seven brats to the third pew. They won't die. Leave the snacks outside of the auditorium.
As your children grow, they will mature, and get more and more out of the "Big Church" service. In fact, they will come to treasure that time. Remember, the Bible commands us to train our children in the way they should go, and training them to be still in church is so important, because when we are still, we can learn that He is God.
